When I first became a homemaker I felt worthless, unhappy, and alone. My husband and I were new to traditional marriage and were still working things out at the time.
Society told me I was useless unless I had a job and money of my own. That I was nothing more than a drain on society with no skills. I was depressed and anxious at all times, usually surrounded by a cloud of shame, especially when people found out what I did.
Being A Homemaker
The stigma of a homemaker has been ingrained in everyone’s mind, so when you actually meet one you usually go to one of three stereotypes, all usually negative. No one really took a minute and thought about how hurtful the comments they made were. Some of these comments were things like these:
- I could never depend on someone else like you, I like being independent.
- I wish I could do nothing all day or the variation, I wish I could sleep all day.
- What do you actually do all day?
- It must be nice to not have to work.
Those comments don’t account for the looks of disdain, the tone that tells me I’m inferior, and the lectures I hear about how I was hurting women. I know I’m not the only one who has had to deal with these types of comments and behaviors either. You hear it a lot from homemakers and stay at home moms.
Eventually I became that cliché overweight, frumpy, cranky, lazy homemaker who did just enough to get by. I did not help anyone’s opinion on homemaking at all, and I am really sad that is who I became.
Leaving Homemaking Behind to Go to Work
But, I finally found work and worked several very demanding jobs for years and I was happy to have my own money and contribute to the household. I was finally a real woman, a real person, someone in society!
People seemed to have more respect for me despite it being a low paying job. I was one of the average Joes and it felt so nice to be accepted and respected for once. The problem came because I still wanted a traditional marriage, at least deep down, though I wasn’t sure why.
I was trying to work long hours, take care of my home, cook, clean, etc. But work got harder, hours got longer, and eventually I couldn’t keep up.
More stress, less sleep and more work meant I needed help, so I hired someone to take care of my home. That helped considerably in keeping up with everything, but now I was never home and someone else was taking care of my home.
Not to mention I rarely got to see my poor husband anymore who worked an even more demanding and dangerous job that required him to work long hours and his hours constantly shifted from days to nights.
The Consequences of Being Successful
The satisfaction of paying bills and having my own money to do as I pleased and to have a “back up plan” as my mother put it, suddenly seemed less glamorous and satisfying.
But pride didn’t let me rest and did not care that I had no free time, had no time to love my husband, to be home and to care for it, to sleep, to take care of myself, to decompress. I was not going to be a nobody!
But there was something wrong. I was supposed to be happy now right? So, why was I so miserable? Well, I began talking to my friends and it seemed they were all miserable too. They weren’t happy at work and were stressed.
They had no time with their husbands and half the time they were angry at their husbands, they were stressed with the kids, but also missed the kids, and they, like me, were tired. Very tired of everything it seemed.
What Is Womanhood?
Maybe I was missing something so to the internet I went! Turns out, studies show women’s happiness has been declining for decades.
They claim it isn’t the long hours, stereotypes, or the burden of our “second shift” at home, but I think it is a little bit. The longer hours women work, the more depressed we get. We as women are not built to endure high stress situations day in and day out, we shine when we are at rest.
So, womanhood is essentially misery and stress…great. That did not sit well with me, because it just couldn’t be right. We are not fearfully and wonderfully made to be absolutely miserable are we? So thinking about it, I realized I didn’t even fully understand what it meant to be a woman.
I know I am supposed to be independent, strong, successful, have a way out, and change for no one, especially men, because I am a queen and deserved to be treated like one. Those are all the things I was taught growing up.
It seems superficial though and I realize now it is. These things we teach little girls are misleading and setting us up for unhappiness and failure in the end. So, where do I go from here?
Looking to the Past To Learn About Womanhood, Femininity, and Homemaking
Well, I began researching times before the 1970’s when people were happier. Traditional roles were still a thing and there was less technology…that’s a start.
First, I got rid of social media. I knew for a long time that it was sucking up my time and sapping the joy out of my life. Constant tragedy, pain, and hatefulness day in and day out…no thank you.
But, did I really want to be a homemaker again? The answer was yes, but only after I learned about Biblical homemaking.
These women seemed so happy and joyful, they struggled, don’t get me wrong, but they were strong and had joy and close families.
I showed some of my friends my findings, particularly the ones who were homemakers, and their response was not what I expected. They claimed these women are liars and no one actually finds joy in homemaking; they do it because they have to.
Well, that deterred me for a while, because what if they were right?
Looking in the Bible To Learn About Homemaking, Femininity, and Womanhood
But I decided to try a new approach. I saw many of these Biblical homemakers talking about the Bible and God a lot so I decided to open my Bible…something I hadn’t done in years. I began learning about what these homemakers were talking about and learning about the women of the Bible.
- Eve was the mother of the world and Adam’s helper (a lot of men and women’s problems start here).
- Sarah made some mistakes, but was blessed to have children to become the nation of Israel.
- Leah was blessed and loved by God, when her own husband wouldn’t even love her.
- Jochebed risked it all to save her baby from the Egyptians.
- Rahab, a woman most people would scorn kept the Hebrews safe when they were spying the land at Jericho.
- Hannah who was so devoted and so faithful to God, was blessed with a child and kept her word to God when she gave him to the church.
- Ester and her strength to save her people, but in her strength she was still gentle, who relied on God.
- Ruth and her fierce loyalty and again gentleness and perseverance.
- Deborah was wise, fierce, and devoted her life to God and served Him to help guide her people.
- Mary gave birth to Jesus Christ and loved Him and followed Him.
- Mary Magdalene was loyal to Christ even after death.
My Favorite Bible Verses About Marriage, the Home, and Women
I also read the Bible to learn about what God said about marriage and the home and about women. The Bible holds so much wisdom in it about everything: God, hope, faith, salvation, even about women, our homes, men, children, about everyday life. My favorite verses that I keep close to my heart are:
- Titus 2:1-8
- Proverbs 14:1
- Proverbs 31
- Genesis 2:24
- 1 Corinthians 7:1-40
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
- Ephesians 5:22-33
- Proverbs 21:9
- Matthew 19:2-9
- Genesis 2:18
What I took from this was…these women were gentle, strong, faithful, and took care of those around them and we are supposed to give God so much of ourselves, as well as to our husbands, our families, friends, but we rarely do and then get upset when our families are a mess and don’t shine for us.
Women are supposed to teach, love, nurture, build up homes, relationships, families, and communities, but instead we are tearing them down. I don’t want to keep tearing down anymore, I want to build up.
I want a relationship with God and a safe haven full of love for my family, and to help my community thrive, and the best way for me to do this is through homemaking. It took a while to learn that being a homemaker is a worthwhile career, and is equally important as any other job.
So, after a long tearful talk with my husband I quit my job and began my journey on Biblical homemaking and I am once again a homemaker and I couldn’t be happier.
