Homemaking For God

Due to recent things in the news and social media I thought it was important to say, don’t air your dirty laundry for the world to see. Relationships are hard. Marriage is hard. And what happens behind closed doors, beyond something that involves police intervention, needs to stay behind closed doors. And I’ll tell ya why you shouldn’t air your dirty laundry.

What Does Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry Mean?

In case some of you don’t know what the phrase “don’t air your dirty laundry” means, I’ll tell you. It means when you’re arguing or having a heated discussion with your spouse about unpleasant things whether they’re things you disapprove of or your spouse does… you don’t tell people about them. You don’t make the things that should be kept private and air them out in front of others. Because some of these things can be embarrassing and potentially damaging to you or your spouse.

That doesn’t mean if you’re in an actual abusive relationship that you don’t get help. That’s not what I’m saying, I’m talking about normal and sometimes heated arguments that people have.

What Is The “Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry” Origin?

The origin of this idiom is French. The actual French proverb is “Il faut laver son linge sale en famille.” That means, “We should wash our dirty linen in private.” Apparently Napoleon quoted this in 1815 when he returned from the island of Elba and it was first used in English in 1867 by Anthony Trollope in “The Last Chronicle of Barset.”

Why You Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry

1. Posting Your Business Online Ruins Lives And Stays There Forever

We live in the era of social media. Anything you say or do can be put online for the world to see. No one really has privacy anymore, and that’s a shame. We also live in an era where people love attention and love destroying people’s lives when they get angry, want to get ahead, or for attention.

That being said, once something is out there, it is out there. There is no taking it back. And the worst part is, once it is out there, the first story or side that runs, is usually the story that everyone remembers and sides with regardless of what comes out later.

You have to work extremely hard to change the narrative, even if you’re telling the truth, once that initial story comes out. Have we all forgotten about the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp fiasco? How hard he had to work to clear his name?

Unfortunately normal everyday Americans don’t have the same luxury of going to court and hiring lawyers.

2. Once You Air Your Dirty Laundry, You’re Now The Abuser – With An Exception

I said what I said. If you are airing your dirty laundry to shame your partner, to make yourself look great and them look terrible, to publicly humiliate them, or ruin their life, you’re an abuser. Rarely, do people air dirty laundry to make themselves look bad. It’s usually retaliation for someone making them angry, leaving them, or whatever the reason. And more often than not, it’s staged, it’s manipulated, and shows people at their lowest after they’ve been pushed passed their breaking point. I’ve seen this done in real life and I’m ashamed to say, I’ve taken the bait in trying to help one side, when both were at fault.

The exception is, if you have to defend yourself publicly. Once someone tries to ruin someone else’s life with this petty act, you have 2 choices. To let sleeping dogs lie and brace for impact of the storm that will come your way, wait for it to pass, and hope the damage is minimal or lay everything bare and show “Hey, I’m not this harpie/monster” they say I am, and here is the proof.

3. Airing Your Dirty Laundry Is Childish, Petty, and Ugly

If you’re being petty and trying to hurt someone because of an argument or because you’re trying to get back at someone or benefit yourself in court, you should reevaluate yourself. This type of behavior shows an intense immaturity, shows your character, and is something akin to high school drama. For some reason the later generations X, Millennials, and Gen Z are stunted when it comes to common sense and maturity, and they are overly emotional… but this tactic has become all so common and people need to start calling it out for what it is. Ugly behavior.

Yet, people take sides and go full tribal on it, which just irritates me to no end. It really does. People can take a 3 minute clip and act like they know everything and then comment on it. People see these comments. You cannot know the full story in a 3 minute manipulated clip online.

4. You Reap What You Sow- Which Is Also Why You Don’t Air Your Dirty Laundry

I’m not one for payback and revenge. It may be tempting sometimes (I’m southern, I have a temper on occasions unfortunately), but I always remember vengeance is the Lord’s (Romans 12:19). And I don’t believe in Karma, that’s the occult, I firmly believe you reap what you sow (Galations 6:7-8).

If you put out things that are meant to be private to hurt someone, that often comes back to bite you in the butt. The truth comes out at some point and a lot of times, especially in these cases, the truth will hurt you. I’m not saying keep lying and deceiving, because that’s bad, the Lord doesn’t like lying (Proverbs 12:22-24). I’m saying don’t do these acts to begin with because it’ll look bad once the whole story comes out. Or that’s what I see in most cases.

5. You Will Ruin Your Relationship By Airing Out Your Dirty Laundry

No one likes being talked about. I’m sure you know what it is like to have someone talking smack behind your back. It hurts your feelings, it ruins your reputation, it breaks trust, and you can never really feel close to that person again. I’ve been there on both ends. I’m ashamed to say it, but I’ve gossiped and it bit me in the butt when I was younger, a number of times. I regret it, which is why I’m telling you, not to do it.

And even if you’re not flapping your gums, putting out texts, videos, calls, whatever is just as bad. Gossip ruins relationships.

There is a reason the Bible says:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

Proverbs 18:21

Everything we say is a blessing or curse. We can build up our relationships or we can tear them down. And while people can forgive, and we should forgive, you don’t have to go back to someone who treats you that way. And that can be heartbreaking especially if you didn’t intend on destroying that relationship, and acted out of anger.

Airing Your Dirty Laundry Doesn’t Mean Allowing Abuse

I’ve seen articles say that this idiom is a red flag because so many abusers get away with abuse because of this. Common sense. There is a difference between condemning, humiliation, retaliation, and abuse. If you are being physically, sexually, or emotionally abused you should call the police, tell your friends, family, get help.

Here are some resources if you’re facing abuse and I pray you get out of that situation:

• Victim Connect Resource Center With National Hotlines
• Avda- End Abuse/Begin Again
• Help For Battered Men
• National Domestic Violence Hotline- 800-799-7233

Treat Others How You Want To Be Treated

Jesus told us treat others how we want to be treated (Luke 6:31) and to love others like God loves us (John 15:12). Relationships are hard, I get it. But we have to learn how to love.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

It is sad, but in this day and age, I don’t think many of us know how to really love. But love takes work. Even when someone wrongs us.

How To Deal With Issues In A Relationship

I’m not going to chastise and not give you some advice. When problems arise in a relationship there are a few things that need to happen.

1. If it is heated, then take a break to settle down. Emotions can overflow and lead us to say things we don’t mean.
2. Take time to pray. Pray to God to be able to forgive, to let go of that anger, and remind you, you still love that person.
3. Once you’re calm, talk to the other person. Talk about the issue calmly with no name calling or yelling.

It’s hard, trust me, I’ve been there. But doing these steps and really making an effort, both of you, will change how you argue and change your relationship. Communication and forgiveness isn’t easy and something my husband and I both had to learn.

The world shouldn’t be involved in your relationship. Only God and you two. And that’s how it is meant to be. Adding others into your drama just makes things messy and that’s not needed. Life is hard enough without other people’s opinions being shouted at you.

More Ways To Better Yourself and Help Your Relationships Grow From Homemaking For God

• What Submission Means and The Misconceptions of Being Submissive
• How Men and Women Are Different and Why It Is A Good Thing
• 7 Things To Do When You’re Feeling Emotionally Worn Out
• Beware Of The Sickness Creeping Into Our Marriages
• Easy Conversation Is Important To Keep A Relationship Alive
• Why It Is Important To Make Time For Friends
• Reasons You Should Get Up And Get Dressed Everyday
• Learn Your Love Language And The Love Language Of Your Spouse
• You Need To Go To War With Yourself

Have you ever experienced the consequences of airing your dirty laundry? What do you think of the saying “don’t air your dirty laundry?” Are you for it or against it? Let me know, I’d love to hear from you!