So, I have discovered 5 things to never say to your husband. Honestly, there are many more than that. But, I saw a video that lead to a discussion with my husband and he explained how some of these phrases can make men feel. After digging a little further, I discovered that other men felt the same way as him. So, let’s talk about the 5 things to never say to your husband.
The 5 Things To Never Say To Your Husband And Why We Say Them
Ladies, I think we can all agree sometimes we have attitudes. And these attitudes can be ugly sometimes. Plus, we have a tendency to be petty and catty and honestly…venomous sometimes. Unfortunately, it is an ugly part of a behavior that has been tolerated amongst women from a young age and should have never been tolerated.
Fast forward into adulthood and I think many women can agree we still have at least a little bit of that ugly attitude we harbored as teenagers. And it can come out sometimes in marriage, which is not okay.
Many of us never intend for it to come out. But we get frustrated, we want control, we are busy, overstimulated, whatever it may be, but we can be kind of crappy to our husbands sometimes. And that is not alright. We harp and harp about how men treat women, but never stop and look at how badly women tend to treat men.
And I am guilty of saying some things to my husband that I shouldn’t have. This isn’t a jab at you, I think it is something most of us deal with. While there are a lot of things we should and shouldn’t say to our spouse, I want to focus on these 5 things to never say to your husband.
5 Things To Never Say To Your Husband
I know, we do not want to hear we are in the wrong. But to have a good relationship with your spouse we have to face it so we can heal any hurts we caused. Heal any humiliation and emasculation we have caused. And fix the toxic things in us so we can be the spouse our partner deserves.
1. Never Mind, I’ll Do It Myself
This phrase I actually heard in a video on TikTok and I was so surprised by it. I never once stopped to consider that it was actually doing harm. Because when I say it or I just go ahead and do the thing I asked my husband to do, I never meant it disrespectfully. But it turns out when we say this we are telling our husbands “I don’t need you.” I know, I know, but hear me out.
You may not mean it like that, but to feel loved men need to be respected and to feel useful. And if he doesn’t have those things then he doesn’t feel loved. And so, when you keep doing things yourself you are telling him “I don’t need you” over and over again.
Not only that, it is condescending and gives off the attitude of superiority. Like you’re his boss. I know many of us don’t mean it that way, but it is the mindset of “I want you to drop everything and do it right this second or I’ll be upset.” See how that comes off? Women, we tend to want to control, so anything done outside of our time frame and done differently than how we would do it tends to ruffle our feathers.
If it is something you need done right then, then communicate. “Sweety, I’m cooking and the trash is full, could you come and empty it really quick I need to throw something away.”
That is so much better than “Please take out the trash.” And you wait 3 minutes and then groan and sigh, “Fine I’ll do it myself.”
2. Whatever.
You know the tone. We can all hear the sharp tone of “whatever” and know what it means. And I am guilty of this one. I hate to admit it, but I am. I actually said this today and instantly regretted it. My husband pointed out how disrespectful this phrase was many years ago before we were married.
“Whatever” means I’m done and I don’t care anymore. And my husband and I were fighting many moons ago when I lashed out with the sharp “whatever” and he looked like I slapped him. He looked at me and said; “Don’t do that. Please don’t disregard me and our problems. Don’t give up and check out, we can work this out.”
That broke my heart. He was right at the time though I was giving up and when I say it I generally have given up on whatever the issue is. And it is something I have to work on. Honestly, it’s cruel if you think about it.
Not only is it basically giving the cold shoulder because you’re done talking, but it is telling him that whatever the issue is you no longer care. And as women we would be shattered if our husbands said things like that. And if they do say these things, that is not good. Calm communication, forgiveness, and most importantly prayer is needed when things are heated to this point. Not callous cruelty.
3. I’m Fine
I am going to go out on a limb here and say we are all probably guilty of this one. I actually had a friend who went to pre-marriage counseling. And in that counseling they tell you all the things you should not do in marriage and all of that. Well, the counselor said never to say; “I’m fine.” Because anyone who uses the phrase, “I’m fine” is not fine. They proceeded to then tell me that the counselor explained that “I’m fine” stands for feelings inside not expressed. And honestly, that is genius.
Because it is true. Most of us when we say we are fine, we are indeed not fine. We just do not want to share our feelings for whatever reason. I told my husband this early on in our relationship because he would pull the “I’m fine” charade and it was a way to get us to communicate what was wrong.
And that is key. Us women are so bad about this. We sit, we simmer and stew, give the cold shoulder, attitude, and then usually end up in a fight. Not only is “I’m fine” avoidance, it is a lie. One that not only hurts our spouses, but us too. A healthy relationship has to have forgiveness and communication. Without it relationships fail and often times end up in divorce (unfortunately thanks to the no fault divorce non-sense).
4. Why Can’t You Do Anything Right?
This is one of the 5 things to never say to your husband that gets me madder than a puffed toad lately. If you say “Why can’t you do anything right” or it’s variations:
- Why are you doing it like that?
- Why can’t you do it like I do it?
Or if you shame your partner to others for not doing things your way, you are being a tyrant in your relationship. You are emasculating him, calling him stupid, and treating him like a child. And I know some of you are saying “If he would do it right I wouldn’t have to act like his mother he is a grown man he should know better.” I’ve seen women say this. It’s emotionally abusive.
This is control and our curse again. Wanting to rule over men. We want things done our way. But everyone does things differently. And that is okay. The way you load your dishwasher and I load my dishwasher are going to be different. How you organize your pantry and I organize mine are going to be different. That is okay.
The way your husband does things IS going to be different than how YOU do it. And that is okay. Let go of control and breathe. Not to mention, if you continually do this, he will never want to help you because he knows you’re going to berate and belittle him. Why would anyone want to help if that was the outcome? Then women get mad that they get no help. It’s a catch 22 situation for men.
And if he is legitimately doing something wrong, offer to show him. He may not know how to do something. Or if it bothers you that bad, offer to show him or nicely ask him to do it that way.
What I Learned Early On…
I can’t remember where I heard it, but it goes for anyone. If you make people feel bad for helping, they won’t help. And it is something I have kept in mind when my husband helps. He went to the store for me. I was in a whirlwind cooking and cleaning because company was coming. I needed a few things and I gave him the list and had anxiety because I was so afraid he was going to buy the wrong brand.
And he did. He got the brand of garlic salt I don’t like because it’s extra salty. But he doesn’t cook. I do, he doesn’t know the spices I used and I just wrote “garlic salt” and expected him to know. I should have said Lawry’s Garlic Salt with Parsley. And I was going to complain, but realized…he was going out during a holiday weekend on his day off to do this for me. And I was thankful. I made due and everything turned out okay.
Don’t sweat the small things and enjoy the “happy accidents” and the nice things people do even if it isn’t exactly what you wanted. Life is too short to be worrying about every small thing.
5. I Hate You
Our of all the 5 things to never say to your husband this is the most hurtful. Any variation of I hate you like:
- I should have never married you.
- I’m not in love with you anymore.
- I wish we never married.
- I’d never get married again.
These are extremely hurtful things that people often don’t often mean, but say in anger. Phrases like that cut deep past the heart and into the soul. All of these are saying you are not worthy of love, you are so terrible I’d rather be alone, and tell a man he is a failure. Which further destroys his spiritual question “Do I have what it takes” (see Wild At Heart) and breaks him. He shouldn’t say these things to you either.
Even if you feel this way, you don’t say these things. If you’re that angry and hurt, go, take a breather and come back and talk.
- I feel like we need to work on communication because I feel alone and you seem distant…
- You are making me very angry and frustrated and I’d like to discuss what we can do to fix this…
- Something has happened that is making me feel scared and mistrustful, can we discuss this?
There are so many more ways to bring up your hurt and fix them than lashing out and purposely trying to hurt your husband. And even if you come back from saying this, your words are a blessing or a curse. There is a chance it will always weigh on his mind and will forever be a fear and insecurity. Or he may just give up. Don’t say hurtful things.
There Are More Than 5 Things To Never Say To Your Husband
There are way more than 5 things to never say to your husband. The list is extensive and vice versa. But these I think are the more common things I have heard and learned about. And I think most things are really a subcategory under each of these 5 things to never say to your husband. People say “You can’t take back things you have said.” And they’re right. You can be forgiven for the things you said, but sometimes that hurt never goes away. That is why you never threaten to divorce or walk out. Or why you never say “I hate you” or “you’re worthless” or anything like that.
God counts all of our tears. Plus, you would be devastated if these things were said to you. Or maybe they have been so you know how it feels. But, I truly believe you can overcome all things with God. God is the ultimate healer after all.
What If I Have Said Any Of The 5 Things To Never Say To Your Husband?
Well, I already admitted to saying 3/5 of the things to never say to your husband, so you’re in luck. I know what to do.
First, swallow your pride and go say sorry. Even if they made you mad for whatever reason tell them “I’m sorry, I was angry I should have never said that, there is no excuse. Will you forgive me?” And if they say no, ask them what you can do to make it right. You guys may need more time with God, more church, counselling, but I think the rift that was caused can be mended.
Secondly, discuss the situation calmly. Why were you angry? Why was he angry? What caused the anger? What can y’all do to fix the situation?
Third, let go of control and embrace the type of relationship God intended. Men and women are different. And that is awesome. If both people are trying to lead the family it’s gonna end in a crash. He will do things differently than you, and that is okay. You married him for a reason. Trust God, trust your husband, and be his Ezer Kenegdo.
Fourth, and most importantly, pray and spend time in God’s word. Pray that God heals the anger, spite, and venom in you. Pray together for peace, love, and understanding as well as healing. Spend time in the Bible and learn about the roles of men, women, and what love is.
Y’all got this.
Love Is….
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:4-13
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Now that you know the 5 things to never say to your husband… can you think of anything else that you shouldn’t say? Let’s build stronger marriages together!
