Learn your love language and the love language of your spouse for a smoother marriage. No, I’m serious. If you take time to learn your love language and the love language of your spouse you can learn to make each other feel more loved, special, and cherished. And the best part is, it’s easy to learn! I firmly believe this is something we all must take some time to do.
Love Language
Love is not one size fits all. I know we tend to think that, but it isn’t. Men and women do like some of the same things, but we still have specific things that make us feel special. I mean that beyond men prefer respect and women prefer romance.
Early in my relationship I tried to woo my husband and keep the romance alive. My husband always thought it was thoughtful, but it was never super romantic to him. I never understood it. And he tried to do things to romance me and they were sweet, but it didn’t always feel the most romantic and sometimes left me feeling frustrated.
We were trying, but not really meeting each other where we were. It wasn’t until a friend let me borrow a book called “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman that I understood why. It opened up our eyes and doors into getting to know each other and being able to please each other. Our relationship has been way different once we learned each others love languages.
Related: How To Reconnect With Your Spouse?
How Many Love Languages Are There?
There are 5 different love languages if you’re going by the book by Gary Chapman. What are the 5 love languages? The 5 love languages are:
- Gifts
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
- Quality Time
So, each love language is different for everyone or they may be the same between you and your partner. I’ll tell you how to learn your love language, but I also want to discuss what all this love lingo means. Plus the benefits of knowing it for your relationship whether you’re with your boyfriend, fiancĂ©, or husband.
How To Learn Your Love Language And Your Spouse’s Love Language
I really suggest reading the book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. But you don’t actually have to. There is another way to learn your love language. One way is to take time to really reflect on what kinds of things make you feel special. Is it words? Is it quality time? Gifts?
And sometimes you have more than one. My husband and I really focus on our top 2 love languages and try to do both. My husband’s is acts of service and physical touch and mine is quality time and physical touch.
Since we both have physical touch that one isn’t hard, but we have to take extra time to focus on each other’s main needs. But how did we learn this?
We took the quiz! There is a great love language quiz you can do to make learning your love language easy!
What Are The 5 Love Languages?
1. Gifts
Some people look down on this love language, but they shouldn’t. Receiving and giving gifts is a great thing. People with the gift love language love to know they’re being thought about.
Each gift is a symbol of your love. It doesn’t have to be expensive, and often times it isn’t about the money, it’s about the thought.
Your partner took time to think about you, choose, pay attention to details, and knows what you like.
But that doesn’t mean just any gift will do. The gift should be not only physical, but meaningful, something that fits your partner’s values and likes and not yours.
2. Words Of Affirmations
People whose love language is words of affirmation as a love language loves words. Not just any words.
Rather, they love verbal affection and acknowledgement. What does this mean? They want to hear how much you love them. They want to hear verbal encouragement, compliments, and communication in general.
Love letters are also special because it is personal and full of loving words. It makes them feel loved and appreciated.
3. Acts of Service
Acts of service as a love language is another one that people tend to misinterpret or completely do it wrong.
If your partner’s love language is acts of service then they love it when you go out of your way to make their life easier. This doesn’t mean you’re their servant and they don’t have to do anything.
But it’s the little things. Doing things that make their life easier even if it is doing a chore for them or doing something to help relieve stress from them.
People who prefer acts of service want to see that you love them. They believe actions speak louder than words. But the thing is, they don’t want to have to ask or be made to feel like you’re miserable doing it.
4. Physical Touch
Anyone with the love language of physical touch needs physical affection to feel loved. This doesn’t just mean sex. But on the other hand you often hear people saying basically no sex just affection. And that’s true, but they make it sound like sex has no purpose here, where sex tends to be the ultimate show of love.
However, physical touch is beyond sex it is holding hands, kissing, hugging, cuddling. It is about the physical intimacy that comes with touch.
It’s a deeper connection for some people than words or gifts. It’s the fact that you desire them and want them that make them feel loved and special.
5. Quality Time
With our fast paced world this one often gets overlooked in marriage. People with the love language of quality time feel loved, appreciated, and adored when their spouse spends time with them.
Now, you can hang out with someone on the couch and still have a lot going on. What makes people with the love language of quality time feel special is really focusing on them. That means talking to them, make eye contact, getting off your phone, and making them your priority.
It’s the undivided attention that makes them feel special. It’s doing meaningful activities and having meaningful conversations that mean the most to them.
How To Receive And Express Love Using The 5 Love Languages?
Now that you know about the 5 love languages and perhaps were able to learn your love language and learn your spouses love language, I’m sure you’re wondering how to receive and express love using the love languages.
We explained what each one met, now I’ll name some things you can do to try to make your spouse feel special or that you can ask your spouse to do to make you feel special.
Before I do that though, I will say if you want to know how to express love through these languages then talk to your spouse about them. Ask them what kind of things you can do to make them feel special and vice versa.
6. Expressing The Love Language Of Gifts
Love gifts or does your spouse love gifts? Here are some ideas when it comes to gift giving or receiving!
- Buy them their favorite food or drink
- Pick them a flower
- Buy them something for their hobby
- Take them our for dinner
- Get them tickets to their favorite musician or show
- Grab a gift certificate for their favorite stores
7. How To Express Words Of Affirmation
Do you or your husband have the love language of words of affirmation? Here are some things you can suggest or do to make them feel better!
- Write a love letter
- Leave them a cute card with a note
- Send them a special text
- Compliment them
- Give them words of encouragement
- Write a note on the mirror
- Empathize
- Affirm
8. Service Ideas To Express The Acts of Service Love Language
Need ideas to express or receive acts of service? Got you covered!
- Do a chore for your spouse to make their lives easier i.e if they’re busy and can’t get to their laundry, do their laundry and surprise them!
- If your spouse hates doing something- do it for them!
- Make their coffee for them in the morning and walk them out the door.
- Take time to look at their calendar and find ways to do special things like making lunch and bringing it to them at work.
9. Feel The Love With Physical Touch
Get to touching to feel the love whether it’s to make your husband feel special or make you feel special. Try some of these things!
- Hold hands while walking or sitting
- Gently rub and caress each other’s arms, legs, scalp, or face
- Give a massage
- Hug often and give them big hugs
- Kiss and make out
- Have sex
- Put your hand on their arm or leg
- Stroke their face
10. Make Time For Some Quality Time
Clear your calendar and make time for quality time so you and your spouse can feel special with these ideas:
- Listen intently when they’re talking
- Respond with meaningful answers
- One on one time
- Learn something together
- Take walks
- Go on an adventure
- Watch a movie together
- Go on a short getaway or vacation
- Cook together
What Are The Benefits Of Knowing Your Love Language and Your Spouse’s Love Language?
The main benefit is… you can properly love your spouse. If your spouse has the love language of words of affirmation, but you’re doing acts of service…it’s nice and I’m sure they’re appreciative. But they don’t feel that special tingle that loving words would give them.
Without having those special acts and words done we tend to feel a little unsatisfied and sometimes maybe like our spouse isn’t as interested. And that’s what it mostly comes down to, these things make us feel like our spouse love and desire us. They’re taking time for us.
I promise, taking time to learn your love language and your husband’s will make a huge difference in your marriage and the intimacy in your marriage.
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What do you think? Do you think the 5 love languages are important? What is your love language?
