Have you ever wondered what tone you set in your house? I never really thought about it until recently and I realized the tone tends to vary, and I can see that whether my house is being ran smoothly or in chaos. Setting the tone is one way women can encourage or discourage their families that God put in our hands to nurture and care for. That will set the precedence for how our relationship with our family turns out in the long run.
Setting The Tone
You know that saying “happy wife happy life”? I hate that saying. It is the same as “if momma isn’t happy then no one is happy.” Both, to me, have always been negative. I know most people would nod and laugh, because these statements are true.
“If momma isn’t happy then no one is happy” is often referenced to the fact that women, when angry, sad, or miserable, tend to spread their misery and take out their anger and frustrations on their family. If they aren’t happy, no one else will be happy. They will make sure of it.
To me, that is cruel, hateful, and damaging to women and their families. And yet, we have embraced it. Which is extremely messed up in my opinion as women tend to set the tone of the household. A miserable woman will create a miserable home.
We Set The Tone For Our Home
Women set the tone for the house. And a joyful woman will make a joyful home. It also made me think of the Proverbs 31 woman as that chapter highlights her cheerfulness, strength, and grace. She doesn’t do this by herself, but through her faith in God.
Notice I also said joyful. To me, happiness is fleeting. Happiness is dependent on our circumstances. Happiness is dictated by circumstances like when things are going well, we have money in the bank, we’ve not been inconvenienced, or offended. Really happiness is when everything is going good. Joy is akin to hope. And even in the storm we can still have joy. We can still be that joyful voice. And that’s the one we need to set at home.
Regardless if you’re a stay at home mom, homemaker, or a working woman, we do tend to set the tone at home. It is after all, our “domain” and no I don’t mean it as a prison or something ridiculous.
I mean, we tend to be the ones that take care of it, decorate it, nurture it and its inhabitants. And that isn’t to say men don’t set a tone either. If dad is present, things tend to run more orderly. If dad is passive, angry, unresponsive, things tend to be chaotic.
But we as women tend to try to control everything and even if we don’t mean to, we do tend to control the tone of our house for better or for worse. So, what can we do to be mindful of the tone we set?
1. Take Time To Be With God
Start your day with God. If you are in the presence of God things won’t be easy, but you’ll have a rock to lean on which will help nurture a more stable home. Plus, a Godly home is generally a stronger home.
2. Take Time To Take Care Of You
If you aren’t taking care of yourself, you’re no good to anyone else. Don’t wake up running and frazzle yourself into a tizzy. I know it’s unavoidable sometimes. But wake up, spend time with God, have some coffee, shower, put on something pretty, a little make up, exercise. If you’re miserable and sick your house will reflect that.
3. Nurture The Fruits Of The Spirit
In Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
If a house is ran by someone who practices and nurtures those fruits, that is a home. A warm, loving home where all feel welcome. Where kids are excited to come home from school and husbands are excited to come home from work.
4. Let Go Of Perfect
Your house will never be perfect. Nor will you be perfect, or your kids, or your husband. Not until the second coming of Jesus. Don’t let it distress you. The more you stress and the angrier you get, the more that spreads. Which brings me to my next point…
5. Don’t Let Your House Become A Jungle
Having a lived in house is okay. Having an out of control house sows entropy. I had a friend who would yell at her husband and kids if they set anything on the counters or a dish in the sink. Any little mess and she would go off on them. They quickly became resentful and pushed back and the house became a battle zone. I understand wanting a clean house and things your way, but you cannot be a dictator. It never ends well.
And on that note, understand that people do things differently. I have seen so many videos of women shaming children and husbands because they didn’t do something a certain way. Everyone is different and will not do things 100% your way. It’s okay if your house is lived in, not perfect, but don’t let it become a mad house.
6. Remember Your Needs, But Get Out Of Your Head
You have needs and those needs have to be met too. They won’t always be, no one is perfect. But if we lean into God we can get through those periods where we want to spread our misery.
But don’t sit and stew. “He didn’t do this. My kids won’t stop this. I had to do this.” Bitterness grows from that and you end up setting a very bitter tone. That spreads and eventually everyone is bitter and angry. No one heals from it, no one benefits from it, all it does is destroy relationships. Forgiveness is key. Forgiveness isn’t saying what they did was okay. But it’s allowing your to heal from hurts.
7. Smile, But Be Honest
There are days where we can’t be sunshine and rainbows. No one is sunshine all the time. And that’s okay. But try to smile. When your husband comes home, don’t dump and nag. Just smile and hug him. When kids come home, don’t yell about their shoes or bags, just smile and hug them. How you greet people sets the tone for the rest of the day. I learned that can make the biggest difference in my family’s day. When they have had a hard day in the world and they come home and I am here to love them warmly… it makes it easier on them. And that makes me happy.
The Tone Sets The Family
I know it sounds silly. But the tone you set for your house affects your family, not just today, but in the future. A house full of chaos and yelling and strife is reflected in your marriage. No husband wants to spending time with a harpy. “But I’m only like this because…” no. You cannot control other people’s actions, but you can control how you react.
Plus, the tone you set up in your house will affect your kids. I grew up in a house of chaos. And it took me years to be comfortable in a house of peace. I have made it my mission to make sure my home is a safe and welcoming place for all who enter.
And that is something you should strive for. We all get tired and overwhelmed. And it’s okay to have off days or seek help when needed. But don’t let your problems blind you and spoil the love and warmth around you.
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What tone is being set in your home?
